A very medical week.

So someone pointed out I haven't blogged in a while and I promised to post something this week.  Please encourage me!!  Be warned, what follows may be a semi-inebriated rambling run-on sentence.

So I have my three month checkup for my HRT tomorrow, and  I'm feeling really good.  I've been feeling really good since I started them.  My brother says I haven't turned into a crazy person yet, and if I do he'll let me know so that's reassuring >.<

Prior to the check up of course my endocrinologist needed another blood test done to compare to the one that I got done when I started hormones.  I was in the middle of a bad cold going into the lab.  Challenge for that day? TRY to sound female with a bad cold? LOL anyway noone really paid me much attention and I contributed very little to the conversations going on in the hall where we were all waiting for our numbers to be called.  It's comforting that I wasn't stared at much.  Sometimes people stare.  Sometimes it's a nice stare, sometimes it's a curious stare, and then sometimes it's an oh goodness, what a freakshow stare.  Maybe it's a measure of how confident I am that day I'm not sure.

So bad cold and blood test.  Ok that's fun but then there's also the appointment I had coming up on Monday.  Well today.  Well idk when you're reading this so Monday.. the something of November.   Anyway I became concerned about this spot under my big toenail last week and went to see the doctor about it.  This doctor looked at my toenail and said.  Oooh..  ummm... hmmmm.... ermmmm... eeeee... emmmmm.. and this went on for a good 20 minutes.  (Ok more like 20 or 30 seconds but it feels like 20 minutes when the man is just stammering on and NOT telling you it's nothing.)  He then pronounces his diagnosis. "Well it's a discolouration"  Yes, I can see that.  That's why I came in...I thought, but I didn't say that.  I asked what he thought was causing the discolouration.  "Well it doesn't LOOK like a melanoma" he explained and then went on to admit that every case he's ever sent to get tested for this has resulted in him getting chastised for it not looking anything like a cancer of any sort.  I'm not sure what your impression is at this point but being the subject, and possibly facing having toe cancer I WAS CONCERNED THAT THIS MAN JUST ADMITTED HE CAN'T TELL CANCER FROM NOT.  I was hoping if not expecting him to tell me it was a bruise or a fungus (ew) or maybe I needed more B12.  But no, he fed my fears.  He told me then that he was pretty sure it wasn't cancer but he'd get an appointment with a dermatologist just to be sure.   I was not exactly instilled with relief or confidence.  In fact for the last week I've been fretting and worrying myself half to death.

Today I saw the dermatologist.  Someone who hopefully, should know what they are looking at.  After discussing whether there was a history of melanoma in my family he looked at my toe.  My grandmothers brother had actually died of skin cancer.  I think someone told me it was melanoma but I'm not sure now so we just marked that down as "skin cancer".  Apparently there are different types and melanoma is a particularly bad one.  He looked at both my feet, and in my mouth for pigmentation oddities.  I thought that was a little weird but it's a lot more than that other doctor did.  He finally said.. "Well it looks like blood.  It looks like you injured your toe and it's stained the nail." 

I can't tell you how relieved I felt!  My heart goes out to anyone who's been in that position and gotten bad news rather than hopeful.  It is really scary and I can't imagine the emotions you'd go through if you actually got told you had something like that.

So... probably not toe cancer, yay!  And I get my three month check up tomorrow in which I get to tell him I haven't experienced any negative side effects from the estrogen or the spiro. :)  Oh and my cold seems to be all over with.

Today is a great day. :D

Freedom!

Someone that works closely with me put in his notice today.  While he may be missed, the overall feeling around here wasn't that we will miss a friend but excitement that someone made it out!  People started looking at job postings and putting out thier resumes, it was exciting!  Isn't that an odd state of affairs?  This is the only big company I've ever worked so I don't know if it's normal to feel like the prisoners seeing another inmate being let free.  The hope renewed that one day you too will get out.  If you're a manager, please don't let your companies moral get as low as it is at Heli-One.  Best of luck Jake, wherever you are going!

There have been two or three things that have been circulating on twitter in the trans community and the latest, and certainly most shocking has to be the beating of a woman in a McDonald's restaurant in Baltimore.
If you're curious there's a link to the video on nbc's site here.
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/McDonalds-Beating-Caught-On-Tape-120538054.html
 It's incidents like this that make me afraid of the bathroom. I find it really sad that people are trying to put laws into place that will protect the trans community from legally sanctioned discrimination, and you get responses to it like "This law will allow sexual predators to legally enter the womens restroom" ugh really?

I got off on a tangent there!  What I wanted to say about that incident was that it doesn't matter if the woman was trans or not, those employees just stood by and watched it all happen all the while filming it on their cellphones.  I did not watch the entire video, it was far too disturbing to me, but I read that the manager did in fact call the police.  Good for the manager, shame on the group of spectators.

The girls who beat up the poor woman have been charged with assault and may also face hate crime charges.


The other thing that has been circulating on twitter was an add in J.Crew that featured a mom painting her sons toenails pink.

http://maryconcannon.wordpress.com/2011/04/23/j-crew-director-under-fire-for-controversial-ad/

What's bothering me is the total lack of awareness that is causing fear and hatred in both of these cases.

In the case of the beating people were leaving comments like "That's a WOMAN, NOT A TRANSGENDER I READ THE ARTICLE GET UR FACTS STR8 blarglarg!"
Well the woman in question happened to be transgendered.  Yes, we are women.  We may have some physical differences to cisgender women but our actions, attitudes and desires are quite often the same.

So what's the problem?  Why are people afraid?  I am afraid of the bathroom.  Both of them.  People are afraid of me using theirs.. people are afraid that the woman who painted her toenails pink will turn her son into a transgendered person. It used to make me feel like some kind of monster.  A theme lady gaga plays upon by taking on the role of mother monster.  I like how she defuses that feeling.  Way to go!!

But that's just glossing over the feelings of being different.  Those feelings are misguided in the first place.  We really aren't so different.  I have a female friend who's far more interested in motorcycles and airplanes than any other girl I've heard of.  She does not identify as transgender, but is certainly different.

The only way to clear up misunderstandings that I know of is to talk to people.  So if you're reading this I encourage you all to go out and make a friend.  Find someone who's trans if you're not, or if you are trans, find a non trans and make a new friend! Don't bring up trans as an issue!  Just be friends.  Show everyone that we are normal people too.. not scary monsters.

Share the love people!!

This man is amazing!

I just love how creative this guitarist is!

And you have to love the hat!

..

FINISH HIM!!
teehee

Communication and feelings.

I wanted to make my second post to be about some product I tried and loved (Hello Herbal Essences Colour me Happy!), or maybe a helpful post about how to use my fav photo editor, The GIMP. (If you think the name is bad wait until you see the window lol.)

But I haven't had the energy to create anything positive and I just need to vent.  A little bit.

Work this week has been so hard. :(  Yesterday was so bad I thought I would cry.  But I wasn't seeing things for what they were.  Yes one man was, and still is marginalizing me but one whom I thought was doing it too really wasn't.  Or at least he didn't mean to. He just goofed up and hurt my feelings unintentionally. Sorry for being so sensitive J!

One of my problems has always been that I don't tell others what I really want.  I am scared of people being judgmental and harsh.  That's usually not the case!   People like to make each other happy so don't feel bad about saying what it is you want. 

There.  Now I can go back to thinking about happier things to write. <3

A spot on the web!

Hi everyone, my name is Rina how are you?

I've created this spot to talk about my passions, and perhaps my frustrations in life.  I'm not an overly wordy person and I don't often stick to things like this but I'll try.  It seems like a fun thing to do. :)

So who am I?  I'm a trans-woman, parent, geek, gamer, daughter, sister..  or at least I try my best to be those things! I work for a helicopter company but I'm not good with the mechanical stuff lol I mostly do paperwork.  I have a passion for open-source and creative commons.  Sharing, sharing, sharing!. :)  I love beautiful imagery and artistic photography. I love the recipies I find on http://thepioneerwoman.com/ lol I want to buy her book.

I have a son, William.  He's 12 and he's my greatest source of joy. <3  He's into skateboarding, halo, sonic the hedgehog and most recently... girls!  aww

I've been helping my friend recently with learning some tricks in a graphics program called the Gimp.. it's like photoshop, but free!  Maybe I can make some tips on this blog too so everyone can benefit. :)

Ok so that's certainly not all there is to me, but I've got to go now.  I promise I'll write again. :)

-Rina